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Effective Communication
Eight rules to more effective communication.
Look for common ground.
The goal of communication is to connect with another
person. To do so means that you must know where that person is and where
they're coming from. Accept the fact that everybody has his or her own agenda and there
is little you can do to change it. Talk to them on their own level and watch
the effectiveness of your conversation skyrocket.
Listen
Don't spend time while the other person is
talking, playing out what you are going to say or looking for an opening to
say your piece. Unlike a tennis match, the goal of conversation is not to
deliver a service ace, but to keep the other person engaged by keeping the
ball in play. That means you have to concentrate totally on what the other
person is saying verbally, physically and emotionally.
Really listen
Taking a page from Stephen Covey's bestseller, The Seven
Habits of Highly Effective People, seek first to understand, then to be
understood. Get rid of the personal filters, assumptions, judgments and
beliefs that color what you hear and the way you hear it.
Avoid distractions
To really hear what the other person is saying takes discipline. Avoid
interrupting. Let the other person finish their thought. Don't finish
their sentences or put words in their mouth. Be patient and show genuine
respect for them. Avoid the temptation to give unwanted advice. That can
be perceived as patronizing and will stifle the flow of conversation.
There will be a time to share your perspective.
Clarify
There are numerous ways to tactfully keep the conversation moving.
Reframe the speaker's content to ensure you heard what you thought you
heard. Don't assume anything. Ask broad, open-ended questions that will
elicit more information and engage both of you more fully. Be sincere. Ask
questions that get to the bottom of someone's real concern or agenda.
Be credible
Be sincere in your dialogue. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Be open, honest and candid. If you don't know the answer, say so. If you
say you're going to do something, do it.
Be positive
Refrain from offensive language, off-color jokes and stories, ethnic
or racial humor or anything that might offend someone else. Don't talk
about others behind their backs. If you do, you will eventually gain a
reputation for this type of behavior and lose the trust and respect of
others.
Align your actions with your words
It's not just what you say but how you
say it. Studies show that what you say (your words) accounts for only 7% of
what others perceive of you. The balance—93%—stems from body language,
facial expression, and voice tone. Recognize the nonverbal barriers to
effective communication, and make sure the tone of your voice, your posture,
your gestures and your movements support your words.
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